Stuck, Rut and Muck..

35 years around the sun, and I still need the practice to have big picture view.

Breaking Free from a rut

Since last year, I’ve found myself stuck. Unable to write anything on substack, and contribute positively to any of my side projects. My mind is occupied with thoughts and concerns completely beyond my control, such as my bonus, my promotions, and how my colleagues perceive me, etc etc. I felt trapped in the cycle of waiting for external events to bring me joy or satisfaction, thereby losing my sense of agency.

Something changed in Jan 2025, not only did I complete 35 trips around the sun, but also had a bit of an epiphany. So, I feel I did get a bit wiser with age :)—shaped by both successes and failures. Over the past few months, I’ve been reflecting on how I’ve allowed myself to focus on things beyond my control—be it my bonus, my promotion, and how others perceive me—creating mental noise and frustration. I had become paralyzed, waiting for external events to dictate my sense of happiness or worth, trying to snap out of it with some difficulty for the past few months. Though progress has been gradual, it is happening. The stage of stagnation is overcome by lessons, some new and some old that have helped shape my recovery, and that is what I want to talk to you all today about.

1. Don’t waste Energy on Short-Term Distractions

Recently, I came across an insightful reel on Instagram by Capt. Raghu Raman, in which he shares his experience at the Indian Military Academy (IMA). He highlights an important lesson: when we focus on trivial matters—like who cut in line or who got ahead of us—we squander energy that could be better utilized elsewhere. Focusing on minor grievances, which ultimately don’t move the needle, takes away from your ability to direct your energy to more meaningful endeavours. This isn't the first time I've encountered this concept, but it's incredible how a simple video on social media can reset your perspective.

2. Eliminate Unnecessary Decisions and Focus on What Truly Matters

Mark Zuckerberg is known for wearing the same T-shirt every day as a way to reduce decision fatigue. The fact is, we make hundreds of decisions each day, and if every one of them costs us mental energy, it detracts from our ability to make more significant decisions. During my time at Beam Mobility, I experienced decision fatigue firsthand. I was paralyzed by the sheer volume of emails and decisions waiting for my response. Many of these decisions weren’t critical; they just gave me a false sense of importance. If I could go back, I would delegate far more decisions and focus only on the few that truly mattered—something I now practice more consistently in my current role at Agoda, and is one of my most critical learnings of building a business.

Funnily enough, I first noticed this concept and completely resonated with it when I watched You’ve Got Mail (1998), where Tom Hanks’ character, Joe Fox, humorously critiques the Starbucks experience. He points out how it forces people to make multiple, seemingly important decisions over something as trivial as coffee. While this may seem like a lighthearted critique, it makes a broader point: we often waste energy on decisions that don’t move us forward. (see from 0.30 seconds)

3. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome

There was a time in consulting, and even later when I was completely fixated on a potential promotion and bonus, something entirely outside my control. I spent a lot of energy hoping for this external validation, but what I’ve realized is that outcomes like promotions or bonuses are fleeting and often don’t lead to lasting happiness. Constantly chasing these outcomes can create a cycle of dissatisfaction, as there is always a need for more: more money, more recognition, more material things.

Instead of focusing on the outcome, I’ve started shifting my mindset toward the process itself. Satisfaction should come from progress in the journey, not just the destination. By setting smaller, process-oriented goals. Process-based validation focuses on ensuring a process consistently produces the desired product, while outcome-based validation focuses on achieving specific results or objectives, regardless of the process used. I’ve trained my mind to find fulfilment in completing tasks, regardless of the result - while I do get misguided from this flow state, I keep coming back to it, time and again. This shift has been a game changer, and I’ve found that true satisfaction comes from executing well on the process, which is fully within my control.

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As I reflect on these lessons, it becomes clear how easily we can find ourselves in a rut when we forget the fundamental principles that guide us. We get caught up in external pressures—whether it’s a bonus to the opinions of others, or a state of decision paralysis—and lose sight of the things that truly matter. We forget some basic things that got us here in the first place. These lessons may not be groundbreaking, but they have certainly been a much-needed reset for me.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling stuck or distracted, and want to chat with someone esp about your career, happy to have a chat at pranjal.kalra1@gmail.com

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